How can you ever feel happy with that restlessness in your
heart? The stars are cold today and clear and the sky is breathing freely after
a long time.
I have a heavy heart.
I am missing people who were never really mine: people I
never met but did...a familiar face, a bond, that I always felt, travelled and transcended
space, time and emotions.
Sometimes I feel like telling the world about my mother- how
brave and kind and resilient she is. How
fragile. I can’t sleep somedays scared that when I wake up she’ll be gone. We
might have hurt her too often, too much. Every shout, every fight scars her a
bit more. I know the patience isn’t endless and someday we will lose her. Maybe
she will grow cold and her head will erase us for her own good, or she will
kill herself.
I feel like i am disappearing. Like my selfishness and
self-absorption are seeping into my cells, oversoaking them and bursting them
into nothingness. I am disappearing. Slowly.
I am waiting, love. Don’t be too late.
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