Saturday 14 January 2012

words to the wind


How can you ever feel happy with that restlessness in your heart? The stars are cold today and clear and the sky is breathing freely after a long time.
I have a heavy heart.
I am missing people who were never really mine: people I never met but did...a familiar face, a bond, that I always felt, travelled and transcended space, time and emotions.  
Sometimes I feel like telling the world about my mother- how brave and kind and resilient she is.  How fragile. I can’t sleep somedays scared that when I wake up she’ll be gone. We might have hurt her too often, too much. Every shout, every fight scars her a bit more. I know the patience isn’t endless and someday we will lose her. Maybe she will grow cold and her head will erase us for her own good, or she will kill herself.
I feel like i am disappearing. Like my selfishness and self-absorption are seeping into my cells, oversoaking them and bursting them into nothingness. I am disappearing. Slowly.
I am waiting, love. Don’t be too late.

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